"I'm just trying to find myself..."

Or, "I'm just becoming who I am." I hear things like that from people my age all the time, whether in real life, or in television, on the internet. Everywhere. It's used as a reason for all kinds of things, from pursuing education or studying abroad, or sleeping around and binge drinking. I'm all for people living life the way that they want to, but something about that phrase has always irked me. Maybe I'm being picky in my distaste for it, but every time I hear it I want to ask:

"Well, how do you know when you're yourself finally?"

To me this phrase implies that eventually, somehow, they'll have this sudden 'ah-ha!' moment where everything comes together and their life just...works. They are who they are, they've discovered what they want, achieved it, and suddenly they're just this complete person all of the sudden. But how do you realize when you've achieved that finally? What do you do afterwards, after you've finally found you're identity?

It implies that there's an end game in mind, when that just isn't how life works. Even when we have our careers, or found our passions, or met a wonderful person who we intend to spend the rest of our lives with, the world still carries on. We just find new struggles, new obstacles. Is life supposed to be easy once we've found this mythical version of ourselves.

And I don't know about anyone else, but I have those little 'ah-ha!' moments all of the time, these beautiful little moments where it seems like everything just fits together. I can see where I've been, and where I am, and the progression of my life that's lead me to where I am. Those moments are great, but even once you have them you keep pushing on. You find new experiences that help refine your sense of self, or challenge it in a way that it's never been challenged before. You keep moving.

What are you trying to find about yourself that you aren't experiencing every day of your life?

By all means, keep trucking forward, keep trying new things. Meet new people, make mistakes, learn from them. But don't let 'finding yourself' be an excuse for repeating bad decisions, don't think that one day everything will come together and suddenly your life as 'yourself' will began.

How about we focus on refining ourselves instead?

Some Space To Think

That's the name of this blog, and it's purpose. It's as simple and complicated as that.

So who am I? Well, I'm going by Vivian Leila. I'm twenty-two, a full time college student and a part time server and bartender. I like to read, write, overthink, and I enjoy a nice strong drink every so often.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm intending this blog to be, other then an exercise in self-indulgence. I've always been weary of blogging actually, for that same reason; it's always struck me as self-indulgent. Who really cares to hear all my little thoughts on the universe?

Well, I suppose I do.

Mostly I'm tired of driving everyone I know crazy with my overthinking and philosophizing, but I need to get it out of my head somehow. So here I am, blogosphere. I appreciate all comments, all discussion, all challenges. Let's get to know each other, shall we?